July 2010
8 posts
5 tags
4 tags
5 tags
5 tags
6 tags
5 tags
10 tags
4 tags
April 2010
1 post
Listen
March 2010
1 post
Oh, Norton.
Dear Norton AntiVirus Software,
I recently took a big step in my life and downloaded you to replace my McAfee subscription because the Comcast email told me to do so. I knew this would be a bumpy ride as we first began to learn each other’s tendencies, but you, sir, have over-stepped your boundaries far too quickly.
At first, I was alright with you popping up on the bottom left of my screen to...
February 2010
2 posts
Listen
Listen
January 2010
3 posts
Me: what is the item number?
Mike: uhhh... Five, zero, ...tic tac toe sign, L,B,S
Me: that's 50 pounds
Mike: oh
We Are Liars
And for that we apologize, but the prophecies of St. John have foretold that the mark of the beast would show who’s allegiance would lie where. Ours happens to be with internet celebrity and our mark takes the form of a little bird and an @.
Thats right ladies and gentlemens, we have a twitter. Somewhere to the left of this post you will see our widget (I know, its getting gayer every...
December 2009
18 posts
The Seattle School of Visual Concepts Can Go To...
Why the lengthy title? So when this hits the tubes, their Google Alert page will have something of merit on it besides a bunch of gay twitter posts from their seattle homo alumni. Like Suzanne Gerber. I’m sure she has a google alerts page as well.
I attended SSVC for 1 year in the hopes of persuing my dreams of becoming a graphc designer. Little did I know, I would be the only person there...
"Nothing without you."
Ever take a minute to contemplate the phrase “I’m nothing without you”? Well, I took a week. More realistically, 10 days, but rather than just think about it, I tested it.
I am talking of course about my trip home. 2 weeks ago I left my NC apartment to spend some quality time with my family, and of course catch up with everyone I left behind in NJ. Before I left, I spent what I...
Customer: So...im not going to lie, my bong broke...
Sid: You mean tobacco water pipe, correct?
Customer: Uhhhh...
Sid: Because if you were to ask me where to purchase pieces to make or repair a bong, I would have to respectfully decline
Customer: No man, its a bong...
Sid: Then we don't have those.
Customer: Oh...alright.
Judgements.
Me: "Sid thought it was funny when I told him you called Mariah Carey a pig slut."
Mom: "She's not even the worst, I'm so glad Madonna is off her thrown."
Me: "Ma, I like Madonna. Leave her out of this."
Mom: "No, Madonna was the original pig slut, then that Mariah girl came and stole her thunder."
Christmas "Shopping"
I’m going “christmas shopping” with my dear mother today. The quotations are not a joke, as I am really not shopping at all, but rather, window shopping. I have about a $20 budget for this little charade, and that will cover, oh, the gas it takes to trot my mother from store to store.
The only thing I want for Christmas, anyway, is to have everyone here and that alone would...
“Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the...”
Homecoming.
Well, so, I’ve been home for about 32 hours, and what have I done?
Nothing.
Let me tell you about how I did nothing, and more importantly why.
I did nothing because everything anyone wanted to do involved money. ”Want to go out and get some dip at Chilis?” “No, I can make it. I’m not paying for 1/2 cup of dip I can make 4 cups of for the same price.”
So I...
Police Blotter of the Gods
OLYMPUS 10/25 – Domestic Disturbance: Police were summoned to the residence of Zeus and his wife Metis when neighbors complained of “a sound like somebody being eaten.” Officers found Zeus in his front yard, naked and apparently intoxicated. When questioned about the whereabouts of his pregnant wife Metis, Zeus claimed that she had “gone to the Circle K for some smokes.” Officers escorted Zeus...
I was just informed of the wonderful news that they axed people in my dept. No full timers have been fired though…yet. Donate!
Please Turn Off Your Poverty
The other day a shocking picture emerged when Michelle Obama went to a soup kitchen in Washington, DC. It wasn’t a picture of her bulging biceps which were mercifully covered, so David Brooks can rest easy and not have to worry about any more nightmares where the First Lady challenges him to arm wrestle. What was shocking was a photo of one of the homeless men she was serving taking a...
Let’s talk new lows: reusing a McDonalds coffee cup. I managed to take out what little class McCafe had.
I applied for a scholarship today, it’s given out on a “need” basis. I’ll rest assured tonight with the knowledge that I will not be considered for the funds. It’s great to be middle class.
